First Aid Cub Scout Style

I guess every now and then the Cub Scouts need someone to teach them first aid. Unfortunately, the two other doctors in the ward were unable to help so I was asked to fill in.

These were kids aged 10 and 11 and I was trying to teach them the basic first aid rules. At first (like for 1 minute) they were quite well behaved and raised their hands to ask or answer questions. Once we started discussing what to do in case of emergency, everything went down hill. Everyone started talking at once, people were asking questions about things completely unrelated to first aid and the answers they were giving to questions were so hilarious.

Here are some of their answers by topic.

Bleeding -
Correct answer: Apply pressure.
Cub Scout answer: You can't apply pressure if you're a weightlifter because you might push too hard and break their neck.
Follow up Cub Scout question: If they're bleeding really bad, shouldn't you just put him out of his misery?

Not Breathing -
Correct answer: Give rescue breaths.
Cub Scout answer: I can't watch this.

Choking -
Correct answer: Perform the Heimlich maneuver.
Cub Scout answer: Hit them in the stomach.
Follow up Cub Scout question: Can't you hit them in the stomach with a bat?

Heart attack -
Correct answer: Call 9-1-1
Cub Scout comment: This one time my uncle had a heart attack and we laid him on the pool table.

What is shock?
Correct answer: lack of blood flow to vital organs.
Various Cub Scout answers: When you get struck by lightning. When someone puts those things on your chest and shocks you. When someone startles you really bad.

Treating shock -
Correct answer: If the face is pale, raise the tail. If the face is red...?
Cub Scout answer: Then he's dead. Well, it rhymes, doesn't it?

Snake bites -
Correct answer: Get them to an Emergency Department.
Cub Scout question: What if you're in the middle of the desert?
Cub Scout answer: Cut an "X" in their skin and suck out the venom.
Follow up Cub Scout question: What do you do for Rabies?
Follow up Cub Scout answer: Cut that open too and suck out the poison.
Follow up Cub Scout question: Don't they have to stick five needles in your stomach when you get rabies?
My answer: We can talk about rabies after the meeting is over.

Frostbite -
Correct answer: Warm up the affected area with barely warm water or by placing the fingers/toes near a warm body part.
Various Cub Scout answers: Stick their hands down your pants. Cut their fingers off with your pocketknife. Put them out of their misery.
My answer: You are never allowed to "put anyone out of their misery" and you are not allowed to cut off any body parts until you have been in school for 20 or more years and have become a doctor.
Follow up Cub Scout statement (from the scout that wanted to put them out of their misery): I've been to school for 20 years. I'm 31. And I have scrubs, too. I got them for Christmas from my dad.